In this series, we’ll explore the most common developmental edits I make as a fiction editor and book coach. Most of the manuscripts that come across my desk have one or more of these underdeveloped story elements, so if you’re a writer who I’ve directed here, don’t sweat it. Learning how to show vs. tell will strengthen the enjoyability of your storytelling. Writing is a craft that takes time to master and an openness to learn from professionals who have been where you are.
What is Showing in Fiction Writing?
Showing is a golden rule of fiction writing. It strengthens your narrative prose by transporting the reader into what your characters are feeling, doing, and experiencing. Its focal point is action, not explanation.
For more on showing verses telling, visit Part 4: How to Write Immersive POV.
How to Show in Fiction
1. Use Action
Dive into the action of what your character is doing.
For example, a woman who is frantic while shopping for groceries because she’s late for an appointment will be dropping food, muttering to herself, bumping into other customers, trying to find her wallet, and attempting to butt ahead in line.
It’s more interesting to write about what a frantic character is doing rather than telling the reader they’re frantic.
2. Embody the Five Senses
Readers naturally relate to what they experience, and all humans experience all or several of the five senses. Sensations are how we understand and enjoy our world. However, don’t just state what sense your character is experiencing. Go deeper. Explore it like it’s you who’s smelling, tasting, touching, hearing, and seeing.
Telling
Fiona smelled toast and tasted bacon.
Showing
Fiona yawned awake to the sound of pots and pans clattering in the kitchen downstairs. She sniffed. Burnt, butter soaked toast with bacon. Her mouth watered from the smell of her father's homemade maple syrup. She threw on her housecoat and raced down the stairs. He already had a cup of coffee poured for her on the table. Steam wafted from her goose handled mug. The spicy aroma of cinnamon lingered. It was his trick for making any pot of coffee taste good.
3. Engage the Surrounding Environment
Engaging with setting and environment is one of the best ways to utilize showing. Your characters can engage with objects, people, the energy of a room, the ambience, the sounds, and so much more. Showing through the environment invites the reader to irrevocably step into your storytelling.
Telling
Sarah was feeling sad about Nicole.
Showing
Sarah started her car’s engine and shoved it into reverse. The tires screeched as she backed into oncoming traffic. Tears blinded her vision. Someone honked. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she clocked into drive and slammed the gas pedal. The highway blurred as she drove in silence.
Which example is more interesting? By engaging with her environment, the reader feels Sarah’s sadness and experiences how it emotionally impairs her.
4. Avoid ‘Telling’ Verbs
Avoid lazy telling verbs – like felt, looked, smelled, tasted, saw – by embodying what your character is feeling, looking at, smelling, tasting, and seeing. Don’t leave the reader’s imagination guessing. Show them. Your job as a fiction writer is to build a tangible scene in the reader’s mind. If they can feel what your character feels, you’ve succeeded.
Telling
Connie felt lonely.
Showing
Connie avoided eye contact with the couple sitting across from her. Tears constricted her throat as they linked hands and shared a long, passionate look. She sniffled. It was the end of November. She could get away with sniffling on the train without people noticing tears running down her cheeks, right? No one looked at anyone on public transit anyway. It was an unspoken rule.
As the reader, which narrative prose makes you join Connie in her loneliness? Blatantly being told Connie is lonely doesn’t give you time to get to know her situation or experience empathy for her.
In Review...
To gain the reader’s intrigue and empathy, use action instead of explanation. Utilize the five senses – readers relate to sensations. Use the setting and environment of your story to engage the reader. Avoid words like felt, looked, smelled, tasted, and saw. Instead, embody the senses by having your characters experience them.
To find more writing tips, head over to my blog.
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