The acquisition editor from the publishing house you queried last month returns your query email and says, “I like your writing and the main character is relatable and has promise, but I just can’t get behind your book.” They might not be able to tell you what it is they don’t like about your manuscript, but the feedback is usually the same. The story didn’t hold their attention.
What Makes POV Immersive?
An immersive point of view (POV) can mean the difference between a marketable book that publishers will want to acquire and a book that's interesting but is hard to finish reading.
1. A Clear Point of View
You can write an entire book from one character's POV or write from multiple points of view. With every scene or chapter break, my job as a developmental editor is to inspire a clear and consistent POV.
Say you decide to write from three different points of view.
The butcher who works at the local market.
The boy who visits the butcher every Thursday to purchase a thigh of pig.
The woman who owns the laundromat across from the butcher's stall at the market.
With each scene written from the butcher's POV, as a developmental editor, I ensure the POV stays through the butcher's narrative lens. If it suddenly switches from the butcher to the boy and then to the woman (this is called head-hopping) without any indication (a chapter or scene break), the reader will stop to question the narration. This ultimately jars them from a fluid reading experience.
As a developmental editor, I’ll bring your attention to this in editing and suggest a revision approach.
2. The Right Narrative Tense
You can write in three different narrative tenses:
First Person Tense (Past or Present)
Second Person Tense (Past or Present)
Third Person Tense (Past or Present)
First Person Tense
I, me, my, mine, our, ours
First person tense is intimate and brings the reader into the exact action of what is happening.
Here's an example:
I take strides toward the butcher's table on the other side of the market. The strips of deer, laid across a linen cloth, look fatty and tender. They must taste salty. I imagine sinking my teeth into a strip. My mouth waters. I take the coin from my pocket and hand it to the butcher.
The same as last week, Mister," I say.
Second Person Tense
you, your, yours, you're
Second person tense is direct. It can often alienate the reader because they can feel a sense of being told what they are doing instead of experiencing the narration through an alternative point of view.
Here's an example:
You sprint across the cobbled stones, nearly tripping. Your mouth salivates with the thought of the butcher's salty, smoked deer. You can't afford deer this week. Same as you couldn't last week, but the near sight and smell of it is enough.
Third Person Tense
he, they, she, their, them, her, him
Third person tense is removed and focuses on action.
Here's an example:
The boy sprinted across the cobble-stoned market square to the butcher's table. He could only afford a leg of ham, the same as last week, but he couldn't wait to inhale the salty smell of the butcher's smoked deer.
As you can tell with the above examples, each narrative tense excites its own unquie writing style. Depending on the subject, action, genre and the way you approach writing, each narrative tense inspires the reader to experience different cues, beats, and narrative notes.
It's important to experiment with which narrative tense will best suit the story you are telling. Consider the genre, purpose, and audience.
Who is going to be reading your story?
What narrative tense is common in the genre you're writing for?
3. Engagement with the Senses and Surroundings
As a developmental editor, I help you develop a compelling and immersive story by encouraging you to explore what your characters are sensing, feeling, and how they are reacting to their environment.
What does the boy smell when he walks up to the butcher’s table? How hungry is he? How does the coin feel in his pocket?
How does the butcher respond to the boy?
Your readers will engage with your world more if you use the five senses and show them what the POV character sees and how they feel.
4. Show Verses Tell
Telling is an easy writing rut to fall into. Many writers do it. To strengthen your narrative prose, focus on showing the reader what your character is feeling, doing, and going through instead of explaining what is happening to them.
Avoid words like felt, looked, smelled, tasted, saw. Instead, embody the senses by having your characters experience them.
Let’s consider two examples.
Telling:
She felt angry. She looked across at Angie and wanted to punch her. She looked at the roast beef sandwich in front of her. The smell of it made her want to vomit because she was so angry. She bit into the sandwich to avoid her angry thoughts and tasted the saltiness. She saw irritation flicker across Angie’s face.
Showing + engaging the environment:
Heat drummed at her ears as she glared across the table at Angie. Clenching her jaw, she fiddled with the roast beef sandwich on the cherry manicured booth table. A cover band played on the stage next to them, making it impossible to hear each other. They covered Joni Mitchell’s “Both Ways Now”, which was un-ironic because her cheeks were puffy from spending the day crying while she listened to it.
“Are we going to talk about it?” Angie said over the blare of the band.
She lifted the roast beef sandwich to her lips. The saltiness of the meat stung the cut on her lip. With the first swallow, the drumming heat in her ears softened. Eating always helped her ground herself. The twisting pain of hunger in her stomach subsided.
Irritation flickered across Angie’s face as she watched her chew. Angie hated it when she didn’t close her mouth while she chewed.
“What?” She shouted over the guitars and the wallowing voice of the band’s vocalist.
Angie ate her fries. “Don’t pretend you can’t hear me.”
“I can’t,” she said.
Which example is more engaging and makes you ask more questions that will keep you reading? It’s fairly obvious, which is why it’s so important for your POV character to engage with the environment and show verses tell.
Writing Tip: Try free style writing while you plot and before you sit down to write your official manuscript. Free style writing takes off the pressure and can help you to find the right narrative tense and tone for your manuscript.
As a developmental editor, I ensure the narrative tense is consistent and flowing well with your characters and plot structure. I may suggest shortening or lengthening certain sentences to add nuance to your writing. I will also flag if your narrative tense is weak in areas. Are you using too many pronouns and focusing more on what the character is thinking rather than doing?
In Review...
Create an immersive POV for your readers by writing with a clear point of view, choosing the right narrative tense for your story, engaging with the senses and surroundings, and showing how the POV character reacts verses telling.
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